On Mental Illness

Just pretend you’re sitting right across from me, like we were in a booth at some local diner. Not some greasy old diner that’s been around for years, where the whole family works there, but something a little more upscale than that. But don’t worry though, I’m popping for the food, just don’t order any. Okay, okay, I’m just joking. You can eat all you want, it just has to be on your side of the table.

I thought we could meet up here and I could tell you a little bit more about myself and my mental illness, which is really weird, one way or another. It’s really hard to explain, but I’m going to try the best way I can—by writing it out (as if I was speaking right to you.)

I’m going to be honest, I’m a little worried I may say the wrong thing and turn you off like some faulty light switch that should have never been turned on in the first place. But I’m going to teeter on the ledge and just gonna look out for a while. I won’t jump! No worries on that. I just want to see what’s really out there. I don’t see anything yet, but hopefully it will come to me. My mind stops and starts again like driving to each stop light. But sometimes I get the green light and just go and go. I veer off the road too much and swivel back again, like I’m trying to cover my tracks but then I get massively derailed as to where to go next. It’s hard to stop over thinking and over analyzing, driving in circles. It’s hard to go in the right direction when sometimes you feel very directionless and it’s just a big mess. Everything comes to a halt and then what do you have to do next? Yep, start over again.

I’m thinking now, by me explaining this, you’re going, what a weirdo! Haha. Maybe I am. Whatever on that deal. But this is how I deal with things. With a grain of salt, I try not to take it too seriously. TRY is the keyword here. If I do take it too seriously, I’m lost. My whole world gets topsy-turvy. I don’t know dreams from reality. But when I can’t get out of my nightmare, that means reality finally started to sink in. Jesus, how many times can you fall out of reality? Many, many times. Countless. It can happen to someone over and over again and well then their reality is living in a dream world. When you’re mentally ill, and the great amount of creativity you have running in your head (although creativity can be great.) It can be the greatest demise of your life.

So what do you do to not lose your mind? Well, I think that’s where the humor of life comes in. I think, (and this is just my opinion) that you have to have a sense of humor in your life to maintain your sanity. Really, you can’t take things too seriously, otherwise you’ll be hurting yourself in the long run.  This is how I handle mental illness. If you believe in everything everyone is telling you, how can you not be dizzy and confused from that? Stay true to yourself. I know, I know. It’s super hard. Those days I’m stranded in my mind, by the side of some thought that’s eating me apart, I can’t take it. God, I have got to move on! The power of the mind goes many ways. My road map takes a different direction. It doesn’t give you the best route to go. Instead it gives you the scenic route (although nice at times) could be again, just one big nightmare.

I hope I’m not boring you with this. If anything I want you to walk away feeling good. Like we can relate a little bit, laugh and joke too. I can’t always relate to some things. Sometimes I’m just zoned out like Walter Mitty. It’s that much harder for someone with a mental illness to concentrate—on anything for that matter, not just in conversation. Sometimes you just poof! simply lose interest.

Well, I hope this sheds a little more light on how it is, living with a mental illness. Thank you for listening. Don’t worry, I got the tip too. Oh, but wait! One more tip, have a good day!